"So, now tell me what really happened." During my years as a high school counselor that became one of my trademark phrases. After working with teenagers for over thirty-five years I got to be pretty good at sorting out fact from fiction. There were certain things that tipped me off. Obviously, eye contact was an indicator, but some kids can look you in the eye and still lie through their teeth. Posture was also a sign. Crossed arm or legs were ofter a tip off that the students were putting a barrier between themselves and me. Perhaps there was a reason. The best indication was how they responded when I began to question them about details. Students who were fabricating the truth would quickly get defensive when questioned. Eventually they would become agitated and sometimes outright angry. "How dare you question me?" they might shout.
I couldn't help but draw some comparisons as I've listened to Lance Armstrong over the last couple of years. Lance was vehement in his denials that he had used performance enhancing drugs. The more evidence that was presented the more defensive he became. As former friends and teammates came forward with statement that were contrary, Lance Armstrong became more adamant that he would never cheat. Only now is he admitting that he did cheat and use illegal drugs to enhance his performance. And don't get me started about why it's expedient to now admit he cheated or the format he chose to do it.
When you tell the truth, there is no reason to get angry and defensive. In the end, the truth is always going to come out, and even if it doesn't God knows the truth.
Within a family, honesty is always the best policy, and that honesty needs to start with us. When we are honest about our mistakes and shortcomings we are setting an example. When we are upfront about our feelings and hurts, we are giving our kids permission to do the same. By the way, and when the truth comes out it's time to practice grace.
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