Guess Who Is Making Poor Choices?

We hear a lot about children and teens making poor choices, but if an article I read in USA Today earlier this week is correct young mom's are making poor decisions too.  The issue is using a cell phone while driving.  The percentage of young moms doing it parallels the number of teenagers.

The study was done jointly American Baby magazine and the organization Safe Kids World Wide.  It involved 2,396 moms with children under the age of two.  According to the research, 78% of moms with young children talk on the phone while driving.  26% of the same group text or check
e-mail while behind the wheel.  Just an observation, but I suspect that the percentage for all women closely parallels that.  I also suspect that adult men are not far behind. 

Having spent time working with kids and their parents, the latest statistics don't surprise me.  I could write a book on "Stupid Parent Tricks."  By the way, there would be a couple of chapters featuring the poor choices that I have made as a parent.  I do think I drew the line when it came to decisions that involved my sons  and daughter's safety.  Driving while talking on the phone, with kids in the backseat should be an easy decision.  Don't do it.

The welfare of our children, no matter what their age, should always be our highest priority. 

A Lesson from Lance

"So, now tell me what really happened."  During my years as a high school counselor that became one of my trademark phrases.  After working with teenagers for over thirty-five years I got to be pretty good at sorting out fact from fiction.  There were certain things that tipped me off.  Obviously, eye contact was an indicator, but some kids can look you in the eye and still lie through their teeth.  Posture was also a sign.  Crossed arm or legs were ofter a tip off that the students were putting a barrier between themselves and me.  Perhaps there was a reason.  The best indication was how they responded when I began to question them about details.  Students who were fabricating the truth would quickly get defensive when questioned.  Eventually they would become agitated and sometimes outright angry.  "How dare you question me?" they might shout.

I couldn't help but draw some comparisons as I've listened to Lance Armstrong over the last couple of years.  Lance was vehement in his denials that he had used performance enhancing drugs.  The more evidence that was presented the more defensive he became.  As former friends and teammates came forward with statement that were contrary, Lance Armstrong became more adamant that he would never cheat.  Only now is he admitting that he did cheat and use illegal drugs to enhance his performance.  And don't get me started about why it's expedient to now admit he cheated or the format he chose to do it. 

When you tell the truth, there is no reason to get angry and defensive.  In the end, the truth is always going to come out, and even if it doesn't God knows the truth. 

Within a family, honesty is always the best policy, and that honesty needs to start with us.  When we are honest about our mistakes and shortcomings we are setting an example.  When we are upfront about our feelings and hurts, we are giving our kids permission to do the same.  By the way, and when the truth comes out it's time to practice grace. 

Getting Involved and Making a Difference

I spent yesterday teaching at our local middle school.  I work with the students every other Friday as part of the Student Advancement Leadership Initiative (SALI) program of LINC-North Texas.  My partner, a college student, and I teach leadership skills and mentor the students.  In addition to the time teaching, we have parent nights and also have the opportunity to accompany the students on field trips.  When I was first approached about being part of the SALI program I did hesitate.  People have the impression that since I am retired I have a lot of discretionary time.  Actually my schedule is quite full.  I work for a hospital chaplaincy service two days a week and try to keep another two days a week open for writing.  I also volunteer as an ambassador at DFW Airport one morning a week.  I was not looking for something else to do.  

In the end it was an easy decision.  It puts me into the world of teenagers again and I know I am making a difference in my community.  Since 90% students are Hispanic, I am also learning a lot about them, their families and their needs. My confidence in the public school system has also been heightened.  The school is clean and well run.  The teachers seem to genuinely care and the students are well behaved and eager to learn.

I would encourage you to find a way to volunteer with the kids in your community as well.  I realize that as parents and grandparents you are busy.  You also have your own families to to take care of, but when you get involved in the lives of kids you are broadening your perspective.  You also are showing you care about others, and you are also setting an example for your own kids.

Volunteer at your church, at your local school or community center.   Join Big Brothers or Big Sisters.  Now is the time to begin to make a difference.  By the way, if you live in the DFW area we can always use more SALI teachers.

What's Tempting You?

The Barna Group, a nationally recognized Christian polling organization, just released a study on sin in America.  The study identifies various temptations and tracks them according to age groups and sexual orientations.  Two new temptations were identified in the study.  You can probably guess them: Spending too much time on media (44%) and going off on someone via texting or e-mail (11%)  According to the study, there are two temptations that are somewhat unique to our western culture.  We procrastinate and worry to much, both identified as an issue for 60% of the population. 

Probably the most revealing aspect of the study was the difference between young people and older adults when it comes to temptation.  Across the board millennials, those born between 1984 and 2002, are tempted to a much high degree.  You are probably thinking, that makes sense.  After all, young people would seem to be more susceptible to sexual temptation and over indulgence.  What is surprising is they procrastinate more, 66% compared to 48% of older adults, and worry to great extent, 62% versus 48% for older adults.  They also tend to fall to the temptation of overspending to a greater degree, 41% as opposed to 21% of older adults.  Across the board, in almost very category the degree to which we are tempted declines with age.  The lone exception is overeating, something older adults tend to do more.

As a Christian, there were a number of things I found personally disturbing.  Why do I worry so much?  As a Christian I know I have a God who has taken care of my greatest need, my eternal future is secure.  Still I fret and worry.  When it comes to procrastinating: I know it's a matter of stewardship of time. 

As an older adults we need to be models of faith and contentment.  The way we approach a crisis is probably the strongest testimony we can give the younger generation.  If we are people of hope, others will see that.  When we convey that to young people we are serving as role models, encouraging them to be people of faith and hope as well.  That should especially be the case within our families where unconditional love, faith and hope should be the guiding principles.   

Reflections on Entering a New Year

There is something about the week between Christmas and New Years Day that puts me in a  contemplative mood. It is probably enhanced by the fact that the house is quite again, after the Christmas Celebration earlier this week.  We had all the kids and grand kids here for twenty-four hours.  What a delight! 

Perhaps it is because I am growing old, and slowing down too I might add, I probably spent more time watching and listening this Christmas than in years past.  I still find it hard to believe that I am closer to seventy, than I am sixty.  Where has the time gone?  Forty-three years of marriage, three married children and three grandsons.  I guess I really am old, but then I talk to my mom who is ninety-one (something I do every Sunday) and she puts things in perspective.  Mom has always had trouble hearing and now her eyes are failing as well, but she still finds reasons to celebrate life.  There is little complaining.  She is more concerned about my welfare and that of my family than anything else.

So what does all this mean, as we stand on the brink of 2013?  I don't know what the year will hold.  I am sure there there will changes - especially if our leaders can't get together and find a solution to this fiscal crisis our nation is in.  Getting older does open up the possibility of health issues.  My wife, Barb, is still going through the transition into retirement.  Through it all I can honestly say that God is good and faithful.  Our future here on this earth is always in a state of flux, but our future is secure.  The Christ Child took care of that.  2013,  like 2012, will be another year to rest in the arms of His Peace. 

As one year rolls into the next, this is the message we must convey to our children and grandchildren.  Jesus told his disciples, "In this world you will have trouble, but fear not: I have overcome the world." (John 16:33b).

In Search of Christmas Peace

I sense that many of those around me are having a difficult time finding peace this Christmas.  We are still struggling with the murders of the children in Newtown, Connecticut and then there is the threat of the "fiscal cliff."  This is not the first Christmas where I have experienced this.  I recall the past holiday seasons where there has been a sense of unrest.  1963 in particular comes to mind.  President Kennedy was assassinated only days before Thanksgiving and as a result there seemed to be a pall over the entire holiday season. 

Tragedy and unrest are nothing new in this world.  Consider the world into which the Christ Child was born.  The Jews were an oppressed people.  Even the lives of the holy family had been disrupted because Caesar had decided he need to make sure he was getting his fair share.  On arrival in Bethlehem they found themselves "street people," their only shelter being a stable.  The tragedy came later when Herod, out of jealousy, ordered the murder of innocent children.

Very few people caught the vision of "Peace on Earth" in those days.  I believe that Mary and Joseph sensed it, as did the shepherds.  Simeon and Anna sensed it (see Luke 2:21-38).  I pray that you will sense it too during this Christmas Season.  Remember Jesus' words to his disciples, "In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world." (John 16:33).

Celebrate well this Christmas.  In the midst of tragedy and uncertainty we have peace... the peace found in a manger. 

Every Gunman has a Parent

I was left numb today by another mass shooting.  This time it is an elementary school and children are among the victims.  This follows another shooting earlier this week in a shopping mall in suburban Portland, Oregon.  It's at the point where nothing shocks me anymore.  Schools, factories, offices and even churches have been the scenes for mass killings.  Once again we are hearing cries for stronger gun control.  I have never owned, or even fired, a gun, but I have many friends who do.  All of them seem to be normal, emotionally stable individuals.  I don't think outlawing guns, other than for hunting purposes, is the solution.

What I do think we need to be doing a better job at is identifying those who could potentially become involved in anti-social behavior.  Like cancer, early detection means a better possibility of effectively treating.   During my years of working with teens I can recall numerous times when I saw the beginnings of behavioral patterns that I saw as troubling.  I usually sought out a colleague who also knew the teen, seeking their opinion.  If they saw the same pattern and shared the same concern; The individual was on my radar.  I usually attempted to get close to the teen, when possible within their peer group.  If I sensed their friends shared a similar concern, it was time to get parents involved.  This is usually when things got complicated.  You see, in most cases parents "wear rose colored glasses" when it comes to the behavior of their child.  Seldom did parents share my perspective.  Even if they did they were reluctant to act, usually taking a "they will grow out of it," stance.  Rarely did they ask me to refer them to someone for professional help. 

I sincerely believe we need to address this issue within the family structure.  When parents see their children having anger control issues, exhibiting violent tendencies or the beginning of anti-social behavior, they need to address the issue and not ignore it.  Secondly, we need to move past the stigma of asking for professional counseling and help.  The reality is we all need some professional help somewhere along the line.  When it comes to our teens, we might just be saving their future, as well as the lives of others who they might potentially harm along the way.

Putting an end to violence begins at home.